Surely Goodness and Mercy...

...shall follow me all my days.

Lately I've been coming up short. And this happens, part of life I think. Just not getting anything done right, lots of mistakes in almost every life area and people you care about being short or simply annoyed at you. This happens too. Feeling down about it. This happens as well; to me that is.
Add to that mucho financial setbacks and in my mind things escalate. I'm the type of person that sometimes worries about money, meal planning, parenting, marriage, other relationships until I have a headache. Worry is a sin that I've been trying to shake for awhile now; sometimes successfully but somehow it has crept right back. What does my Lord say about this? "Be careful (anxious or worried) for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God." Philippians 4 vs 6.

So I pray about it. This worrying is my weakness and often how the enemy tries to keep me from the full joy I have only in the Lord. This is how he tries to disrupt my identity in Christ, by trying to trick me into taking up my burdens and struggling with them when Jesus already said that those with their heavy burdens must come to Him and He'll give us rest.

So God delivered me from my downcast spirit this afternoon with a song. It reminds me that He doesn't love me because of anything I've done or not done well, but because He's Good & Merciful. So all my feelings of not being enough at times in this life doesn't warrant me being down on myself, for my God is more than enough.

Faith

Two and a half years ago after much prayer and fasting, I received a word from God. I had written it down and placed it in my Bible as a reminder.
"Be confident my daughter in the love I have for you. I cannot stop loving you and I cannot let you down. It is impossible. If you learn to trust me, giving praises no matter the situation, you will have unmovable faith, then there will be no fear of anything in your heart and you will be confident in all things."

At that point in my life I was a single unemployed mother. I was not living comfortably and I rarely smiled. I couldn't see any reason to. Also I was at that point of constant insecurity in my worth and self-image. And I had no earthly friendship to turn to. I was alone even though others were around, and very afraid. Afraid for my daughters future, mine and that God could never use someone like me to make a difference in this world because I was afraid of the devil and his attacks.
My Heavenly Father obviously didn't see me as I saw myself based on what He said to me then. So for the past couple years He has lead me on a journey of knowing Him better by diving into His word letting it become my assurance and daily necessity."So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God."
So reading this once again I'm so grateful to God for completely turning my life around. Turning my sorrow into joy. Showing me an Almighty, All-Knowing and Loving God. The God who sees what I can be and not focus on the imperfection that I am. The only true and Living God who has sanctified me and adopted me into His precious family by the sacrifice of His Son Jesus.

The Lord is responsible for any increase in my faith over the years and not me. Without Him I am nothing. Without the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth I would be all that I thought I was. But Thanks be to God! I am not! I am a child of the King! And nothing can separate me from His love!

And He loves me enough to show me the pride that still lurks in my heart, the thoughts that still need to be subjected to Him. Because I daily need Him to "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me." Psalm 51 verse 10.
I am still a work in progress, but if the Almighty God hasn't given up on me, then why should I give up on myself?

I am not afraid

"Be bold, be strong! For the Lord our God is with you!
Be bold, be strong! For the Lord our God is with you!
I am not afraid, I am not ashamed!
I'm gonna walk in Faith and Victory...
Walk in Faith and Victory!
For the Lord our God is with you!"

This is the chorus the Lord used to encourage my heart this morning. Yesterday had not been a successful day at work. It's becoming more stressful lately and I am daily counting down til December 11 when I'm off for vacation. Last night my heart was burdened and I needed to talk to somebody, Pookie went to sleep minutes after I got home, I will never burden little Pie's heart with things she won't understand and in Jamaica free calls on my cell only come on after 11 at night when I hope not to be still awake and I don't have or want a landline at home. So who to talk to but God? He's usually my first go-to and He should always be but I thought I was very much in need of physical contact and sympathy.
So when it wasn't satisfied, I woke up kind of dismayed, I seriously toyed with the idea of calling in sick to work but that would never make my problems disappear only intensify and delay it a little.
As I sat in my chair with Pie curled up in my lap, watching the sun rise this morning, feeling that nice crisp chill that we get here that says Christmas is near, not enjoying it (which is unusual for me) the chorus starts softly in my heart. Then it grows louder and louder until my voice starts echoing it and Pie starts to sing along with her mommy. My spirit lifts and I can go on with my day.

Psalm 103 verse 13-14- "Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him.
For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust."
My God remembers I am only human and he feels sorry for me. He knows my human instincts are first to give up and give in and I need His encouragement. I see a new side of Him everyday and it is humbling to know the Great Creator cares about a bad day or two in my life.

Beauty with Purpose

So I'm in charge of producing the annual pageant at the college where I work. It is not just a beauty pageant but it will focus on the intelligence and talents of some of our teachers-in-training. I'm excited and look forward to the end results of this first-time challenge of putting on this show for charity. Last year I was merely a judge, this year I will be trainer, image consultant and talent developer extraordinaire! lol! Well it will be fun trying to be all these things.

Last night at rehearsal, I was surprised at how many of the contestants seemed self conscious and lacking in confidence throughout most of the practice. It had me thinking about my own struggles with this thing called self-confidence. In recent times I find that I just tune into what I know God thinks of me, whenever thoughts of self-doubt and insecurities creep in.

The entire Psalm 139 encourages me in who I am in the Lord. Reading and applying it to myself, I always feel so loved and cared for and that I am precious in His sight. I especially like verses 14 & 17-18:
"I will praise thee: for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." ( I am a work of God and his works are marvellous!)

"How precious also are thy thougths unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee." (He thinks about me much more than the number of grains of sand that exists! That's alot! My thoughts are only filled with someone so much when I'm deeply in love with them. Imagine how he feels about me! So who am I to doubt the 'work' of the Creator? To call it ugly, untalented and not enough? When the God of all creation made me and loves me with such great passion. Sending His precious and perfect Son to die for such as me.

I am "blessed and highly favoured"!

Jesus, please help me to remember the truth of who I am in You, when opposition arises to fill my heart and thougths with lies of the enemy, that causes You grief that so many of Your wonderful creations are living and believing the lies that they are unlovely and insufficient.

For Good

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren." Romans 8 vs. 28-29

This portion of scripture speaks to me that every heartache, trial or adversity I go through will build me into the character God has called me to be; because I love Jesus and I am committed to serving Him no matter what.
That at the end if I'm receptive to what He's trying to teach me in every situation, then I'll be more like Jesus than I ever was before. His lessons come out of even situations that I disobediently got myself into in the first place, and they are to help me have as fulfilling a life as possible in Him. Fulfilling as in a meaningful and complete life in the Lord. Where I go to Him before anything and anyone else; a life filled with episode after episode of His glory.

Be desperate for God and nothing else!! Not for love, not for security, not more children, not a more loving husband, not for material gifts, not for wealth or health. But for God. I am learning to seek Him desperately and I find that 'all things are working for good according to His purpose'. It doesn't mean everything is great but whatever His purpose is in my life at that moment helps me to see more of His character and to follow it. I am learning to love the Lord and depend on Him for everything. I see His great love for me through all His blessings and provisions. Even when bills are just barely paid, they get paid! He's showing my husband how to love me and me how to love my husband. I'm experiencing a peace that is indescribable but lovely. It doesn't escape me but remains in my heart when trouble comes.

My Heavenly Father wants me now at this point in my life to take the time to know Him, just as how He knows me, for myself in studying and meditating on His word; And when I pray listen more to what He's trying to say to me.

Seek and ye shall find.. I am seeking and finding out more about Him each day.

Ten Months

I actually can't believe that it's been ten months already since Pookie and I got married. It seems like before long it will be Christmas Eve and we'll be at the one year mark. I already can't wait til December because that's when I'll be taking my much needed vacation; and having an anniversary to celebrate  will be all the more awesome. One of my really good friends called me on Friday wanting permission to use our wedding pics in a new wedding magazine. That got me thinking about our anniversary...
I need a cool idea to make the day memorable and special for my man but I don't want to go over board because I think simple would be much more appreciated than over the top. Right now I'm thinking we should return to the reception site for dinner or something along those lines. Any budget friendly suggestions anyone? I'd really appreciate any suggestions:)

Heaven

Alot of people want to go to heaven. The Bible describes it as a beautiful place with streets of gold, beautiful jewels everywhere, trees by the river bearing all types of fruits at once ( and if you are like me this is really appealing-living on an island you'd think I'm always at the beach. I'm lucky if a see the sea or a river at least once for the year.). Not to mention the parts about no more pain, sorrow, sickness, etc. Well I realise after talking to some people over the years that quite a few of them sought religion for this purpose- the promise of the perfect life. Very appealing, but I'm more excited about living with my Lord and King everyday for eternity!

Those who believe that once they were "good" here on earth it automatically guarantees  them a spot in heaven are gravely mistaken. The Bible clearly states that to live in heaven we must accept the "owner' of heaven. How can you live with someone you don't have any type of relaationship with? Even on earth now, a roommate isn't just a random person. Even if you don't know them well, you will know them and that isn't usually a permanent situation. But if you are planning on permanently living with God, you must have a relationship with Him. His word says "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life" John 3 verse 16. Very famous verse, but it's important to note that heaven is not attainable without Jesus.

Jesus went on to further say in John 14 vs 1-2-"Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you." And Jesus told his disciple Thomas a few verses down in verse 6 that "...I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me."

And "by Jesus" simply means by believing that Jesus is the Son of God sent from heaven to die for our sins. That He is the Saviour from which we should seek forgiveness and spend our lives serving Him by doing what He made us to do. Finding our purpose in Him.

This is a part of a prayer Jesus said while he was on earth recorded in St. John 17 vs. 21-22
"That they may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me. And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one:"

I love developing a relationship with Jesus Christ now on earth, and it is work just like any other relationship. But can I tell you how exciting it is to anticipate seeing Him face to face one day?!